The Minimalist Minimum

Someone asked:
"What is the minimum for becoming a Minimalist?"
I have bad news for you, but let me start at the beginning. 
I checked with M a few months ago (he used to be called Lord Almighty Minimalist, but then he downsized) and seeing as he recently revised the demands that every Minimalist must follow. It took him a while to get off of his clean, perfectly polished white throne made of nothing but straight lines and right angles, but once he got down to me he gave me a sheet of paper with his revisions. Unfortunately the paper was blank save for a single back dot in the middle.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him.
"To make the black dot more important" said M. "In addition, I have also deleted the single letter in my name. I am now known as."
And so he was called. And 's rule was that we were to follow his rule to the very end, lest we be cast out of the Minimalist Minimum. None of us wanted that. It was a cruel world outside of the castle, where people rode bikes with ten speeds and used Windows 7 PC's. Following the rule of was hard, because a single dot is no way to live a life, but Minimalism Minimum offered no room for interpretation. We already had 100 items, and interpretation was simply one item too many.
"My dear and royal," I called out to as he sat on his throne. "Please tell us what we must do!"
But he would not speak, because he had deleted speech in his effort to become pure. And soon he deleted thought, and even breathing, and then life. The Minimalist Minimum was devastated by his death, but soon realized that to be even more ultra-Minimalist, we must disband our group of utopian dreamers. Community, we reasoned, was simply something we could not afford after buying the Minimalist Castle and 's beautiful throne.
So unfortunately the Minimalism Minimum was destroyed, thus removing any objective definition for both what it is and how to live it. I know many people come to this small subreddit hoping for the clarity of this once great establishment, but it no longer exists.
Thankfully, we have been given the insight of interpretation. Instead of looking for answers in the collective, we must look to our own lives to understand what we should focus our passion on. Minimalism is a magnifying glass, not a passion in its own right. Use it to focus on what you love. And for the love of all that isn't in your life, do not go back to the Minimalist Castle. They turned it into an Apple Store, and it's not even a good one.

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